Toddler Jokes

Kids are so pure. My three year old is either making hilarious toddler jokes on purpose, or he’s being the sweetest, cutest, most sincere little true-to-himself guy ever that I can’t help but laugh (on the inside, I stifle my laughter so as to avoid stifling his self-expression). Here is a conversation we had on our little walk today:

Kid: Hi Momma!

Me: Hi babe.

Kid: Mom, your face is over there.

Me (haha he’s so cute): Oh really??

Kid: Momma… move it.

What!? I thought and burst into laughter. I mean, I was walking alongside the child so my face was at a very appropriate distance to his when this went down. He’s 3 and clearly has a very limited capacity for communication so he could have meant something entirely different and (likely) completely innocent, but I took it as a sick burn, kiddo! I could have gotten mad, or I could have let this rudimentary attempt at conversation hurt my feelings. Those choices are always there. Instead I chose to laugh.

I said, “Good joke, baby,” and my boy looked at me in confusion for a moment before registering what I meant and breaking out into a smile so big his left cheek dimpled.

We walked a bit more, kicking dirt and looking at ants, before I said, “Hey baby! I like your red shirt.” He looked down at his belly and confusion registered on his face again.

“Oh!” he said in earnest, “Momma, I don’t have a red shirt on, dis is a bluuuue shirt.” So freaking cute.

“Juuuust kidding!” I said, and tickled his side. He looked at my smile then grinned and clapped his hands, letting out a big toddler joy-shriek.

“Good joke, Momma, good job,” he cheered, then he bent down to pick up an extra long stick.

That’s the kind of life we lead.

Later, at home, he asked for a cup of milk with lunch, which I provided, and which was almost immediately upended on the tile floor.

“Oops! Hey mom, you spilled the milk!” He said, then giggled uncontrollably.

Since he was the one who spilled the milk, and since he did so rather deftly, I had to take a deep breath at that one. What the H kid?? And then without even waiting for a response from me, that funny boy said, “Ha ha just kinning, good joke Kellan, I’m gonna go get a towel. Oh wait, Momma, can you help me reach the towels?”

Not kidding. My three year old just casually tossed milk on the floor as the set up for his joke. Then he congratulated himself on his joke’s hilarity. Again, I could have gotten mad, and it would have been within reason for me to be irritated AF since he wasted milk, but honestly comedy is a big deal in our house, and I was just proud. So I laughed and helped him get a paper towel. Then, I explained the importance of not wasting food and watched with horrified glee as that silly boy laughed then licked the floor.

Oh man. My kid is hilarious, and this is gonna be fun.

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